Cwoffee and Biscwits.... it's hard to say no !
Just like lot's of offices up and down the British Isles, our sales dept operates a contributory milk & biscuits fund. One shiny pound gives you weekly access to hundreds of biscuity calories and several daily hits of caffeine with milk.
The problem is .... what if you don't want to eat the biscuits ? They taste great and when the biscuit tin is offered with each cup of tea or coffee, it's hard to refuse a yummy Jammie Dodger or Custard cream. (..although I can take or leave Malted Milk and Nice biscuits unless they are all that's left)
With each biscuit or seven that I eat, it is slowly dawning on me that this habit is damaging my health ,well being and overall attractiveness. I look out from my desk and casually glance at some of my colleagues walking past (names withheld to protect the innocent) I see expanding waistlines and early-onset #Manboobs aplenty .... and I don't want Moobs. I'm too young to wear elasticated trousers and the prospect of shopping XXL in George by Asda terrifies me.... but the biscuits just taste sooo good. Am I hydrogenated fat dependant... a sugar slave ... a biscuit Junkie !
I have tried saying no, but half way down my coffee, I'm hit with a feeling of emptiness, a sad overwhelming sense of loss weighs heavy on my heart ..and rumbling gut. A drink is jut too wet without one. (people of a certain age should get that reference, younger readers can move on)
Where is your willpower, it's not that hard to say no to a crumby biscuit I hear you say. Well you are right.... but at the same time you are also very wrong. There is one factor I have not mentioned so far. I'm scared of the bear ! You know the one, Vinnie the Foxes biscwits mafia bear from Newyoik.
I'm afraid that if I refuse the biscuit tin's tempting delights, he'll get to hear about it and take offense. I'll be driving home one night and Vinnie will appear in my rear view mirror with an offer I can't refuse ! Ba-dah-bing.
So for now, I guess I'll have to keep on eating the biscuits and pretend I'm enjoying them. It's not just hard to say no... it would be positively irresponsible to say no !
The problem is .... what if you don't want to eat the biscuits ? They taste great and when the biscuit tin is offered with each cup of tea or coffee, it's hard to refuse a yummy Jammie Dodger or Custard cream. (..although I can take or leave Malted Milk and Nice biscuits unless they are all that's left)
I have tried saying no, but half way down my coffee, I'm hit with a feeling of emptiness, a sad overwhelming sense of loss weighs heavy on my heart ..and rumbling gut. A drink is jut too wet without one. (people of a certain age should get that reference, younger readers can move on)
Where is your willpower, it's not that hard to say no to a crumby biscuit I hear you say. Well you are right.... but at the same time you are also very wrong. There is one factor I have not mentioned so far. I'm scared of the bear ! You know the one, Vinnie the Foxes biscwits mafia bear from Newyoik.
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| eat my biscwits or else... capishe ? |
I'm afraid that if I refuse the biscuit tin's tempting delights, he'll get to hear about it and take offense. I'll be driving home one night and Vinnie will appear in my rear view mirror with an offer I can't refuse ! Ba-dah-bing.
So for now, I guess I'll have to keep on eating the biscuits and pretend I'm enjoying them. It's not just hard to say no... it would be positively irresponsible to say no !
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